Sunday, August 29, 2010

I think this is how I know whether or not I'm a hipster

Real MTV Ad-thing:
"I Just Want My Pants Back is a new MTV series to be directed by Doug Liman, the man who brought you Go, Swingers, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, and The Bourne Series and Central Casting is looking for you. We need people to be Extras who can portray Hipsters. If you are not sure if you can portray a hipster, answer these questions:

Do you own skinny jeans, old school chucks, cabbie hat, the 70’s vest, an ironic t shirt or hat*, a fitted sweater (n/a since I'm a girl), flannel shirt, or chunky lens-less glasses? Do you drink PBR, have an ironic mustache, have a blog that allows you to post pictures you took with your digital camera? Been called a hipster? Deny being a hipster, but own various wardrobe and sport an asymetrical hair style that is considered Non-Mainstream? Smoke Parliaments? Got any cool tattoos? Perhaps one of a star, maybe on your wrist or elbow? Own a vintage dress or have an awesome beard? Shooting the week of 8/30/2010 (Williamsburg)."

***

Things that I don't do are crossed out. Things that make me hipsterish are italicized. All photos are ripped from the headlines borrowed from Look at that Fucking Hipster. I am too lazy to take pictures of things that make me look like a hipster. I think I loser hipster points because of that.

* Does a HIPPIES EAT BABIES shirt count? It has a woodstock logo on the side.

THE REAL QUESTION IS: AM I A HIPSTER? DOES GOING TO NYU AUTOMATICALLY MAKE ME ONE?
Perhaps you need a case study: Today, I took my shoes off and stood in the Washington Square fountain. I was wearing jorts with my chunky black frame PRESCRIPTION glasses. As I stood in the fountain, letting the mist soothe my sunburned shoulders, I drank coconut juice that I had purchased for a ridiculous price (I need to keep my electrolytes in check). Do all these things, a hipster make? Or should I have been glowering like the sourpuss who sat across from me at the park. Her pointy toed shoes must have been cramping, and her large Anne of Green Gables hat did little to protect her from the jollity of a sunday afternoon in Downtown Manhattan. /case study

***

If you'd like to spend hours standing in the sun with sweaty mountain men and american apparel afficionados, go Here.

This Hipster announcement has been brought to you by the "I was popular in high school" people of MTV, who are apparently attempting to garner some hipster cred by pandering to the "I spend too much money to look this cheap" crowd living the neo-bohemian chic lifestyle. Not judging, I'm probably just as bad. And the fact that hipster fashion is now mainstream probably means that hipsters of ye olden days are dead (well, the subculture, not the people themselves).

Hipster Spiderman thanks you for your time,

No comments:

Post a Comment